Yakumo

This morning, I had the worst dream I've had in a very long time. Possibly ever. It was crazy stressful. Let's start from the beginning. (Pictures of anime Yakumo are being used here since pictures of fake dream world Yakumo are not available).

Out of nowhere, I'm in a large wooden cabin/house. There are lots of people who are dressed up. Many Asians. Everyone was talking and acting busy/excited. It was also chaotic. I didn't really know why I was there at first until I started observing my surroundings. I was also dressed up. And in the distance, a bride.


I tried to find someone I knew, but they were all strangers. I tried figuring out what the heck was going on, and slowly, "memories" of this reality started filling my head and I began to recall what was going on. Apparently I had dated an asian girl named Yakumo for 4 weeks (or 4 months, can't remember), and I asked her to marry me. But it was as if that was another Jacob in an alternate reality, and I appeared in his weird world by mistake.

I started panicking like crazy. "I don't love her. I love someone else. I feel as if I know and care for her somehow, but I can't marry her. But I'm at the wedding. What the heck do I do!? There's no way I could even kiss her; even while dating we've never even done that. Actually we've never even gone on a date. Why are we getting married? I can't do this. Should I run? But I can't hurt her like that. "

Then I saw someone I recognized.



Darryl. Random. I went up to him and said "Hi, I really need to talk to you"
"Right now?"
"It's an emergency. Come downstairs, I can't let other people hear this."

He looked pretty impatient.
"I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy. I don't want to marry her. I hardly know her, and I've been in love with someone else since I was a kid. I don't know how this happened, but I have NO IDEA what to do right now."

"What do you want me to do?", Darrly said. "This is your problem, not mine. You got yourself into this. Here's a walkie talkie if you want, go in that room and hide while talking to the bride. Explain everything, if you want. See you."

-__-? I think he was implying that I was a coward and to talk to her without seeing me in person.

So, again, I started panicking. And these were my real thoughts. It was as if I were awake in my dream. "Maybe I should just marry her and then divorce later? No, that's terrible. But her whole family is here. How can I call everything off? What do I do? Should I go through with it? I can't do this. I know I never had a chance with Tenma, but I won't break my own heart and my own promises. I can't love her while loving someone else. I have to tell her."

So I went up to the alter planning to tell her that I couldn't go through with the wedding. But then the priest and everyone else misunderstood, thinking that the wedding was going to start.

Right as I said "Yakumo, I...", I woke up.

Just from reading that, it sounds sort of funny. But it wasn't to me. It felt real despite how stupid the whole scenario was. I was scared, and I felt like throwing up the whole time. Even after I was awake, I was nauseous. I felt so guilty and terrified. It's strange. In real life, I always call the love interest "Tenma"... And the dream life gave me "Yakumo", which is Tenma's sister in School Rumble. In real life there is no sister, but ... it's kind of strange still. Like it truly was some parallel world that I accidentally entered.

The dream was a good reminder for me to never abandon my goal(s) for something (or someone) else. I will never commit to another person while remaining faithful to someone else despite how vain it is. Sorry "Yakumo", whoever you are in real life, but unless you want to be hurt, don't even try it. Because whatever you feel from me will be half-hearted passionless nonsense.

What a drag.

With that said, lol @ Darryl from the office.


edit for clarification: Yakumo in dreamworld had no relation to Yakumo of School Rumble. They just shared the same name. Dream Yakumo was just some normal asian girl.